i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
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I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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