It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
