im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
