Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
