Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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