singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
