here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
