whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
