we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
