just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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