the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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