She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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