dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
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My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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