It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
