Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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