meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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