remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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