just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
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and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
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He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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