kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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