butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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