idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
