lets start a swedish sibling band together
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
