i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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