Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
