Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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