It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
