she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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