is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
