Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
