I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
