i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
