I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
