Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
