I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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