Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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