Having a random hookup so left but love u
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize