just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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