New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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