They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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