dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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