My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
