Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
