i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
