why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
