frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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