I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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