i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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