This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
