i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
