I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
