remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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