He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
