oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
