Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
