so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
