Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
