The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
