ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so let's talk penis.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
