i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
