in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
